Welcome to The Cherry On Top.
Last year, I started a series on anxiety. The first installation was about my personal experience with anxiety. How it all started. How I diagnosed myself. My experience with antidepressants and some of my thoughts on a possible connection with depression.
This post, we'll focus on how you can help others with anxiety or what you can ask of others if you are suffering from anxiety. I realize that not everyone will have the same experience and we all have different ways of dealing with issues. Again, I'm not a doctor nor a psychologist. These are just suggestions.
One of the biggest issues was leaving the house. In the previous edition, I mentioned how difficult this was. I found myself taking a lot of deep breaths because breathing was taxing. I felt flush and I felt like I could vomit at any moment. Sadly, my husband had zero sympathy for me and would not let me get out of going out, no matter what. A part of me thought it might get better while I was out, but it rarely did. It just wore me out, totally. It was so embarrassing! Sitting there for hours, quietly taking deep breaths and trying not to pass out or puke while people look at you kind of strange and continually ask if you're ok. Ugh!
I'm a bit torn suggesting to just stay home because I know in the case of depression, staying home can be the worse thing you should do. I suppose staying home wouldn't really fix anything either and I certainly wouldn't not leave the house for months at a time. You could try to stay home if it really isn't important that you go out. If it's your job, then that could be a whole other story. If you find yourself anxious before work, you may have stumbled on to your trigger.
If you're reading this, hoping to find some ways you can help someone you know and or love with anxiety, I suggest you try to always be calm. Try to keep a lid on your intensity. Don't tease too much or sneak up on your friend, family or partner. Consider your partner, etc and the things that stress them out. For example, driving. Drive how you think they would drive. (I know that might be tough!)This was huge for me. Slow down. Don't drive aggressive if possible and keep an eye out for stressful body language. Closed eyes, white knuckles, gripping handrails, etc.
If you're feeling frustrated by their anxiety, leave the room. Your reaction could make things worse. Try to be patient. I often tried reminding myself that my thoughts were ridiculous. That nothing I ever imagined actually came into fruition, but that never helped. I wouldn't beat them over the head with that one, but a calm reminder every now and then may help.
Get comfortable with being patient because this takes a long time to get over. You won't be able to do it for them. They have to do it. Remind them you're there to help when you can and be strong in your conviction that they will get better. If you see any improvement, make sure you tell them. Positive reinforcement is a wonderful tool.
Keep your schedule open whenever possible. Don't plan too many things. Try staying home more if your home is a relaxing place. If it isn't, see what you can do to change that. Maybe you could clean up a little more around the house, cook more often, do some shopping, spread the work with others even the kids. Encourage them to go for a walk, do some yoga and meditation. Get out in nature whenever possible and see how they do? Think of things you know they love to do and be mindful of the kind of tv you watch and music you listen to. Are the shows stressful? Is the music intense?
You won't be able to do the hard part for them, but perhaps you can remind them what part that is and that's what we'll get into for the next edition. Practicing mindfulness is the answer. It could take years until the results start ushering in, but once they do, you'll never go back.
Distractions helped me out, big time. Stay busy! I'm talking very, very busy. As soon as you feel yourself drifting into another cycle of negative thoughts, stop. You may even want to start doing something physical to help you stop, like snapping your fingers or if no one is around, shout stop! I used to act like I was pushing something big and heavy as if I were physically pushing away the bad thoughts.
If you have to stop yourself a million times in five minutes, that's ok and normal. Stop that train when it goes off of the rails and put yourself back on the right track. Pay close attention to everything you do as a means to keep your mind focused. That's what mindfulness is and we'll dive deep next time on this.
The worst thing you can do it just lie around. Get up and get busy!
Distractions help. If I was lying in bed, wanting death to take over, I'd start doing complex movements like swing my arms one way and try to swing my legs another way. Try making circles in a rightward motion with one leg and a leftward motion with the other. Complexities like that will take all the focus you've got!
Try out this thing called Emotional Freedom Tapping. It's another way to distract yourself. It didn't help me a darn bit, but it might help you. There are a lot of videos out there on it. Here's a source that you could use to get you started or at see what it's all about. It's a super easy way to get kick started.
Praying is awesome! Recite poetry, read a book and force yourself to focus by continuing to stop and go back if your mind starts wandering, again. Practice gratitude. Make a list of all the things you're grateful for. Do it before you go to bed and read it when you wake up. I often stop myself from "the thoughts" and start listing all of the things I'm grateful for and smile even if I really don't feel like it.
You've got a lot to start doing.
- Find those triggers and see what you can do minimize or delete them.
- Keep an open schedule if possible.
- Stay busy.
- Try EFT.
- Keep away distractions by using distractions.
- Practice gratitude.
If you're wanting to help someone with anxiety:
- be patient (it could take a long time)
- stay calm
- stay away from stressful tv/music/situations/conversations when possible
- try fun or engaging distractions
- help reduce stress at home or work
- encourage any kind of positive behavior where you can (Don't give into negative or damaging behavior. You're a person, too and that won't help anyone, anyway.)
Come back and read more about mindfulness. It's a game changer and not just for those wanting to ditch anxiety or depression.
I hope you're feeling better already!
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